I have an epiphany!
There. The recognition of the thing ought to be enough to get me to fix it and now.
That's really what I thought deep, deep down in my bones, though I never had put it into words before. A friend this week was able to say it in such a way that I actually heard it. (Or was it that God had tilled this soil so much that it was finally fertile?) She said, "In the time I've known you I've come to realize you just don't like the process of the thing." Now I had to let that set on me for a few days, but God finally got me to have a V8 kinda moment. I don't. I don't like the process. I just figure once you recognize it, it outta be polite enough to just simply GO AWAY. But it doesn't. I'm still overweight~~among numerous other things that I've come to realize I want changed about myself. Ugh.
The phrase~~This becoming is harder than it seems~~has always resonated with me. Maybe now I'm started to see why. And for years I've carried a butterfly on my key chain, because I really felt like God was telling me He was taking me through something and I'd like the end result if I'll trust the transformation. (See the analogy?) Sara Groves sings a poignant song about wanting to see a visible change like a snake shedding or a caterpillar in a cocoon. Maybe deep, deep down in my bones I knew this about myself already but refused to acknowledge it.
There's yet another epiphany. Ugh.